What about your husband?

He’s very supportive of our relationship. This evolution in our relationship did not happen over night. I have seen other women in the past casually. I hadn’t had any real intention of being serious with the women in the past.

He knows his and my relationship is secure. Our relationship does not lack anything. It also is not any less of a marriage than two people who are in a monogamous marriage. Polyamory is not better or worse than monogamy. These relationships are simply different ways to find love.

Polyamory does take a lot of security and trust in the relationship, your partner, and very importantly yourself.  He and I have had several conversations about feelings and our relationship. I can’t completely speak for Tim, but I know it’s not easy to talk about feelings.It’s uncomfortable at times. This is hard for anyone. People in general don’t like confrontation.

Tim and I have always been really good about communication. One of my first memories of time is when I worked retail and was ranting about when people would tick me off because they had then mentality that “you are customer service and you are here to be my servant.” It DROVE ME NUTS!!! I can’t take it! He would at first try to rationalize with me. HA! He then realized that I didn’t need that from the conversation and asked “What do you need from me in this conversation?”

Asking this questions was something that no one had ever done for me. He did this in several conversations for months in our relationship. I also asked him. This built the relationship so well. We still do this from time to time when we are dealing with difficult conversations and are not sure what the other person is trying to say or need.

As we’ve been married for two years and together for longer than that, we don’t ask this question as often. We’ve learned how to communicate. However, in this new relationship we will continue to improve and work and tweak our skills. That’s what growing and evolving does and that’s OK.

One of the greatest things about any relationship is that it’s fluid and changing. We can talk things our and discuss how we want it to be! It’s always what’s a little scary about relationships.

Entering A New World

I have made some self discoveries about myself over the last year and am finally ready to share them with the world. For those who are not open-minded or do not want to read about controversial topics this your chance to click the red x in the upper right corner and never look at this particular post again. I won’t promise this disclaimer in all of my future posts, but this is going to be the most shocking for those who know me. I’m giving you a chance to continue to live in bliss if you would like.

I am going to be using newly learned vocab even to me so I will try to include that in this blog. However if there’s a word you don’t know, you can message or even google it. That’s how I’ve learned a lot of I’m writing about.

Now to the meat of the blog.

Part 1-Sexuality

I’m Pansexual. This means that I am attracted to a person regardless their gender identity. http://www.stop-homophobia.com Uses the Definition: pansexuals have the capability of attraction to others regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. A pansexual could be open to someone who is male, female, transgender, intersex, or agendered/genderqueer.

This of course doesn’t mean that I like everyone or that I am attracted to everyone. Just like you reading this blog have certain attributes that you like when looking at an attractive person, I do as well. Being pansexual does not mean that I am attracted to everyone and will sleep with anyone. It just means that I have the ability to love or am openness to all genders and gender identities.

Part 2-Polyamory

I state what I do in part 1, because it’s important for the 2nd part of the story. I am in a polyamorous relationship with my husband. He’s fully aware of it (it wouldn’t be polyamorous if he didn’t).
The definition that I really like for polyamory is from http://www.morethantwo.com. They also have a fantastic book that we are in the process of reading. The definition is as follows polyamory  is the non-possessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. Polyamory is from the root words Poly (meaning “many”) and Amour (meaning “love”); hence “many loves” or Polyamory.

Talking about polyamory is too much for one blog post and I couldn’t even really talk about as any sort of expert on it. As I said I have just recently discovered the term. I do plan to use this blog to write about my experiences so that people like me can learn from me and also so that I can seek advice from any of you who are out there that can offer it.

Part 3- My Girlfriend

This is the exciting part. I have a girlfriend. She and I have been dating about 2 weeks. She’s quite amazing and she blushes when I say that. I don’t know why because it’s true. I also won’t go into much detail about her at this time because I haven’t gotten explicit permission to do so. So until I do, all you really need to know is that she’s beautiful but more importantly she makes me happy.

Part 4-Why Post all this Online?

I no longer want to hide who I am, but more importantly and less selflessly I no longer want others to feel that they have to hide either. I want to help inspire others to live life to their fullest and to be happy. I want them to find courage in my posts and stories and be able to go to school and face their classmates. I want people of all orientations, gender identities, and life styles to feel that they don’t have to be ashamed because they don’t fit into the norm. I’ve heard so many stories and felt the pain of losing friends for telling them of who I was. I do not want this to continue any longer. I may be only one writer, but it has to start somewhere.

So please share my posts. Pass on the acceptance and love. Stop the social conditioning that this has to be swept under the carpet and not spoken about. I wish I knew a fraction of what I do know when I was first learning about myself in high school. We need to be able to inspire change! It has to start somewhere!