What about your husband?

He’s very supportive of our relationship. This evolution in our relationship did not happen over night. I have seen other women in the past casually. I hadn’t had any real intention of being serious with the women in the past.

He knows his and my relationship is secure. Our relationship does not lack anything. It also is not any less of a marriage than two people who are in a monogamous marriage. Polyamory is not better or worse than monogamy. These relationships are simply different ways to find love.

Polyamory does take a lot of security and trust in the relationship, your partner, and very importantly yourself.  He and I have had several conversations about feelings and our relationship. I can’t completely speak for Tim, but I know it’s not easy to talk about feelings.It’s uncomfortable at times. This is hard for anyone. People in general don’t like confrontation.

Tim and I have always been really good about communication. One of my first memories of time is when I worked retail and was ranting about when people would tick me off because they had then mentality that “you are customer service and you are here to be my servant.” It DROVE ME NUTS!!! I can’t take it! He would at first try to rationalize with me. HA! He then realized that I didn’t need that from the conversation and asked “What do you need from me in this conversation?”

Asking this questions was something that no one had ever done for me. He did this in several conversations for months in our relationship. I also asked him. This built the relationship so well. We still do this from time to time when we are dealing with difficult conversations and are not sure what the other person is trying to say or need.

As we’ve been married for two years and together for longer than that, we don’t ask this question as often. We’ve learned how to communicate. However, in this new relationship we will continue to improve and work and tweak our skills. That’s what growing and evolving does and that’s OK.

One of the greatest things about any relationship is that it’s fluid and changing. We can talk things our and discuss how we want it to be! It’s always what’s a little scary about relationships.